It's the holidays, OK? You know what doesn't happen during the holidays? News. Well, maybe it does but it doesn't happen here. The gang (plus Joe) are too busy with unexpected additions to the Smash roster, Asian mom apologies, titties for the culture and totally wild Hearthstone battlecries. (This episode contains 40 minutes of Smash talk, 20 minutes HAHNIME and 20 minutes wrasslin') By warning you I have totally alienated you. Please download this anyway.
The gang discuss the myriad inefficiencies of the New York Police Department. Tegan talks about the prospect of drinking a bunch of energy drinks and flipping out in an airport. Brian is knee-deep in that Hearthstone. (He has a sickness and the only cure is discard Warlock.) Meme level tactics are alive DAY ONE. A key discussion topic on this video game podcast is controversial canvas bags and a company that creates its own security vulnerabilities. Epic has a store, Steam is still garbage and Rocky and Tegan have the mix-up. And remember, ultra friends can battle remotely.
Rocky is harassed by police and they tell him that he is a dreaded man in New York. Some kinda weird Instagram bread fetish is explored. Rocky and Tegan explain, at length, Full Metal Alchemist and more anime. Brian looks deep inside himself and finds doubt. WHAT ELSE IS NEW AMIRITE? Hitman, Hearthstone, FFXIV and the Pokemans all come up organically. It was organic man. Also, the man, Becky Lynch is hailed as champ and greatest.
What's up fam? We hope you all had a good Thanksgiving and got whatever you wanted on Black Friday. We know there is one thing you wanted that you want that you haven't gotten yet, our Fast Five watch-along. To that end fam, here it is. See you at the cookout.
City sidewalks. Something sidewalks. Tegan, Rocky and Brian assemble on Thanksgiving FOR YOU and this is your fault. Learn where to get stuff for 200% anime fans, safe stuff for wrasslin fans and all the best gift ideas for video games. There might even be some hawt clothing tipz and board game tips. The Rock ate two pizzas and the holidays are here. CITY SIDEWALKS.
Yo, we got it all. The hawtest Red Dead takes are here. Brian is knee-deep in Hitman 2. (He likes it. A lot.) Rocky attempts to convince us that Death Stranding is coming out next year. HA! They're releasing boneless Xboxes next year. The Pokemon trailer makes us feel alive. Swatting is stupid but at least there are consequences. Advertisers run wild without consequences and Becky Lynch will own your heart.
Rocky is comfortable telling Ted Cruz he looks wet all the time. John Kennedy did not own a bulletproof bowler hat. Britney Spears bald head was a sign of independence and self-determination not the spastic action of a privileged elite. The spastic action of a privileged elite was when she put puke in her pocket and claimed it was peanut butter. Red Dead Redemption II is a video game and Brian and Tegan have thoughts. Brian is playing Hitman 2 and is life is better for it. There is a fire truck full of SUPER COCAINE!!! And for god's sake, TAKE A BATH.
Tegan dives into the cowboy game. Rocky plays ULTIMATE ROCKY. (It's a multiplayer game but the second player can only be found between 11-12 in line.) Brian experiences unsettling Bowsette thirst caused by a rassler and feels bad about it and Tegan doesn't care about the PS Classic line-up. Brian's positivity about it can only be characterized as positive because so much else is garbage that he is willing to let the world burn. As usual, there are video games. Regardless of what you know about us please know that we want to fuck around and make a billion dollar tequila.
What's up boils and ghouls? Looking to get your minimum allowance of murder, mayhem and mischief? Well creeps, you've come to the right place. Brian Cartwrightstein and Te-ghoul Summerset join Festevil Horrorbody for Impossible Coin's Halloween Spooktacular! It's got Pokemon Go, cowardly corporations, wrestling and cancer. All the things that make Halloween, video games and podcasts great!
The team creates a new Law and Order spin-off. Tegan knows stuff about diamonds. Evil, virtual prisons are discussed. Hamilbang is headed to Japan. Rocky briefs on Red Dead crunch and Brian likes old man things and will eventually die. Probably also anime.
The year, 2018.
Rocky Hardee and Tegan Summerset bent on slandering dolphins raise their voices in hate to besmirch mankind's favorite sea mammal. One man sees the change of seasons. He sees the rising tide and stands in defense of dolphins.
That man, Brian Cartwright. He never asked to be a one-man dolphin defense force but that is where we have arrived. THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING.
Other things that happen on this video game podcast include Tegan and Rocky do an anime; Telltale is a shitty company from beyond the grave; Ohio is filled with haunted houses and Brian shits on Mario Party.
Rocky and Tegan die on the hill that Mario Party is good. A double fake, scam wedding is announced. The team explores the possibilities for an Ohio state slogan and also discusses Ohio state tourist attractions. Brian's fight with UPS draws to a close. Rocky gambles and loves the new Dragon Quest. Telltale continues to garbage despite expiring and big changes at Blizzard. RIP Applesnake.
First of all, I'm not apologizing for this week's thumbnail. I wanted something that conveys the SHEER AWFULNESS of a three dimensional chess of exploitation. As bad it is the thumbnail doesn't begin to capture how crappy every decision made at Telltale Games is. That stuff is so bad we had to call in additional help. We're joined by Big Sach and Joe Spiro. We also tackle important issues like is motivation important in corporate citizenship behaviors and the underwhelming nature of the new Tomb Raider. There may also be wrestling and Tegan screaming but you already knew that fam.
Rocky sets fire to his kitchen. Press F to pay respects. Telltale Games implodes, Tegan and Rocky hash out the PlayStation Classic. Marriages keep falling apart over Fortnite. Tegan seems unimpressed by Lara Croft and there aren't many games out on Steam today.
There is some discussion about whether or not Tegan smokes drugs or just vapes. These wild accusations come about as a result of the Arby's segment from last week. Tegan insists that it is too humid to vape. (Bruh do you even vape?) Doctor Disrespect got shot at. (Please don't shoot at people even if they suck you nitwits.) Brian's copy of SNK HEROINES has been lost due to a series of fun shipping errors and Brian got to go on the most magical tow truck ride of all time. Rocky says some explosive and divisive shit about cultural icon Joey Tribbiani and we start an online petition.
This is normally where our artisanal show notes go but you know what? This week we're holding that L.
Tegan flips out for Nintendo. (Color us surprised.) Major corporations were evil. (Color us surprised.) Fortnite is still hot for the kids today. (Color us surprised.) We need real gun control. (Surprising fucking no one.) This podcast contains farm to table cats, middle-aged FGC surfer dudes, using sex dolls to drive in the HOV lane, 0% wrasslin and a little anime. THIS IS A VIDEO GAME PODCAST.
God damn it Tegan. You are testing us. Find out what ridiculous conclusion Tegan drew about Windjammers. (The thumbnail probably spoiled it.) Fortnite happened again. Seriously, why is there always Fortnite? Amazon Prime members get the short end of the $120 stick and Nintendo uses a UK Nindie showcase to provide scintillating details on games for Switch that are not Smash. Tegan details her Canadian adventure and Brian isn't having this Becky Lynch heel turn.
Guys, I gotta break it to you. This week's video game news is bad. We got lawsuits, legal bottlenecks and police violence. Really. That's the video game news. At Steam is still an unmitigated disaster. Friend of the show Big Sach (aka the d00d wat made our music) stops by and hangs out. We discuss how much Steam sucks, Hearthstone meme decks, the best Persona, Dead Cells and wrestling. A whole lot of wrestling.
Brian details a personal recent travail. The team discusses Real ID minimum standards and the reality of border crossings. Tegan was in the room where it happens. Rocky kills community leaders on loan from other communities. Brian tears Tegan's soul from her body with his hottest take on the Zelda timeline. Also 957 new characters were announced for Smash Ultimate. Enjoy doing battle with Power Gloves in the town from Urban Champion I guess. Steam still sucks and there hypothetical meals in Bombo.
So basically fuck Elon Musk. The crew takes the time to dunk on Elon Musk because of his weird relationship with Atari. And because he sucks. EA is Schroedinger's awful company this week as Rocky and Brian take different sides of the debate on whether they did something intentionally terrible. The NES Classic is really popular and seven-year-old kids have unfettered access to Steam. Grab your Blob Lobber and get ready to Clam Blitz because it is time to talk about Rocky's taste in porno.
The crew discusses chill Bulgarian arrests, the worst enemy in DOTA, and enormously prodigious grapefruit. This is, of course, a videogame podcast. So come on down to Bomba Tacos and Rum in Akron! Try the Jamaican Jerk Tacos before you head out to Taco Towers. Also FORTNITE FORTNITE FORTNITE NINTENDO NINTENDO NINTENDO. Are you happy now SEO robot?
Rocky lets us know what the scoop is with current Mario Tennis Aces meta. The matters octo are discussed, both -ling and -path Traveler. Arcanine cults have sprung up in Oregon and Rocky goes sailing with Captain Morgan. Hey everybody, it must be VIDEO GAMES.
The gang might have some concerns about the volume of weekly Nindies but hope for the best. Rocky gives us the straight scoop on Fortnite. Valve cracks down the faintest sliver of transparency. Overwatch is coming to the network owned by Mickey Mouse and Hearthstone is making moves. Nakamura-sempai notice me!
This one has it all. We talk World Cup, Griffith Observatory wedding action, glorious Vulpixes (Vulpi? I don't know), video game companies caving to terrible GamerGaters, the right to be forgotten, Twitter awfulness, Ken Bone and the impending race war. YOU SHOULD BOYCOTT THE RACE WAR. We also fit in a little hipster wrestling, Fortnite, Sony being awful and the usual garbage raft of trash from Steam.